Issue 15: Stay Close to the Light.

Make no secret of low spirits to your friends, but talk of them freely— they are always worse for dignified concealment.

Photo by Kinga Howard on Unsplash

This is how I do my writing: I come up with an idea of what I want to write. This can be from anywhere. It can be from a tweet I saw during the week, it can be from an Instagram post, or it can be from a book I’m reading - like today’s issue is mildly inspired by Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney. 

Once I get the idea, I ruminate over it for a while. I turn it over in my mind for a day or two and then I sit down to write. I often write on Saturday nights or Sunday mornings. This last week, I did not do that because I was on the road throughout Thursday and Friday and on Saturday, I was at a birthday party. I should have written this yesterday but as of yesterday, I had not even decided what to share. I knew the title was going to be “Stay close to the Light”. I had known this for about three weeks now, I just did not know how to approach that title. Until I read the 1820 letter from Sydney Smith to his friend’s 13-year-old daughter who was suffering from depression. 

I read this letter and it all came to me. What does it mean to stay close to the light? I’ll use three examples. 

In the letter Sydney writes to the depressed 13-year-old, Georgiana, he tells her to:

Make no secret of low spirits to your friends, but talk of them freely— they are always worse for dignified concealment.

Photo by Brian Kyed on Unsplash

When I think of staying close to the light, I think of staying close to my friends. Life is already busy and frustrating enough. Doing it alone without friends can be draining. There are days you’ll sit on the stairs and just begin to cry. This is especially true if you are in a strange land and have no friends. In 2021, I was in Port Harcourt for NYSC. Around 6 am on Sunday, I got sick and before noon, I was dismissed from the camp. On my way to a family friend’s place in Rumuokoro, I sat down in front of a restaurant and just cried. I was genuinely tired of life. Like deep within, I was done. Just five days before, I was on the road from 7 am till the next day, traveling from Ibadan to River state. We could not enter River state that night because there was a state-wide curfew so we had to sleep over in Bayelsa. It was a bad experience. We got to the NYSC camp in Rivers state the next day, went through all the hurdles of settling into camp and now, five days after, I was on my way back to Ogbomoso. So I sat down at Rumuokoro and just cried. That was when my dad’s friend came to pick me up. He hosted me for the night. The next morning, I was on my way home.

After camp, I was posted to Lagos state. I did not like Lagos for anything. I have always lived in small towns all my life: Ogbomoso, Ile-Ife…moving to Lagos screamed chaos. I did not want to do it. I called a friend and told him I had been posted to Lagos and I was thinking of relocating to Kwara state. He was shocked. I told him I did not have a place to stay, I did not have a job in Lagos, and I did not have the mental fortitude to stay in Lagos. He just told me to come over, we would sort out all of that. And so I packed my bags and moved to Lagos in June 2021. 

Last October, I wanted to forget my birthday. I did not like the day and wanted nothing to do with it. As the day approached, I started avoiding social media.  I went black on Twitter and WhatsApp. My friends asked me about the day and I told them I just wanted it to pass. And then just a day before the big day, I had a chat with a friend and they asked me why I was quiet about my birthday. In response to that, I sent him an epistle and he replied with his essay. We had a lot of back and forth. Eventually, I asked myself, okay why am I being a mountain goat? And so I celebrated my birthday. 

A week ago, I was complaining to my friend about something I don’t even remember now and they asked what they could do to make me feel better. Without thinking, I just said I wanted a copy of Sally Rooney’s Beautiful World, Where Are You. A few minutes later, the friend texted me to say the book would be delivered to me in two days. That made me so happy. 

Photo by zhang kaiyv on Unsplash

You see, what I’m trying to say is this: for me, my friends are my light. In his letter to the depressed 13-year-old, Sydney wrote: 

See as much as you can of those friends who respect and like you.

I interpret that to mean: Stay close to friends who respect and like you. Hold on to them close. Let them be your source of light. Let them pick you up when you fall. Don’t hide things from your friends. If you have friends you have to hide the important thing in your life from them, maybe you don’t have friends. Or maybe you need to review your friendships. Or maybe you need to ask, why am I calling this person my friend if I can’t tell them I’m broke or I’m sad or this relationship is not working or I’m losing my faith in God? Why are they my closest bunch if I still feel so insecure around them? Is it because they will definitely judge me and stop being my friends? Or am I just the one who is not ready to share? Why are they my friends if I can’t count on them for support and help when I’m drowning? 

Make no secret of low spirits to your friends, but talk of them freely— they are always worse for dignified concealment.

Find your light and stay close to it. It could be anything really. Friends, books, writing, and art are the things I hold close because they are the light that help me see when things get gloomy. I hope you also have something similar to hold on to when it gets dark. It could be food, Jesus, or family. It could be anything as long as it helps you get up on sad days. Stay close to it. If you’ve been distant from your light, you can reach out today. You can send a message to a friend. You can start reading again. You can start cooking again. You can start writing again. You can start drawing again. If you love it and it brings you light, then you should do it again. 

Photo by Rui Silva sj on Unsplash

To read the complete letter from Sydney Smith to his friend’s 13-year-old daughter who was suffering from depression titled, Make no secret of low spirits to your friends, but talk of them freely,  click here. 

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Also, a friend and I started a podcast. In the first episode, we talked about the transition from being a student to someone who applied to 100 jobs every week. We also talked about navigating this transition, especially if you’re now an employee. We’ve heard good reviews so far so we’re thinking of doing a second episode. Before then, you can listen here. Please drop your comments so we know if to continue or not.

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I promised to give out books this month. Here’s a list of books I’ll start with:

1. The Broker by John Grisham: I’ve had this since 2017 and I think it’s time to let it go. 

2. The Monuments Men: if you’re into the Second World War and classical arts, you’ll love this book. You can read what it’s about on Google.  

3. The Road to Omaha by Robert Ludlum. 

4. Lucifer’s Hammer: if you’ve read The Mote in God’s Eye, you’ll love this one. 

5. What Happened to Janie? : a bit tattered. I’ve had this since February 2018. 

If you’re interested in these books, you can check Instagram to see the last post I put up. You can get them there. 

I wish you love and good tidings this week. Stay beautiful. ❤️