Issue 16: I Now Forget The Things I Did Not Need To Remember
It is Sunday and we are going to church. Moremi the cat is not home just yet.
It is Sunday and we are going to church. Moremi the cat is not home just yet. I have abandoned her at her aunt's place. Some people will say I’m evil but hush hush! It is Sunday and we are going to church. Outside, the car is waiting but there is nobody inside. I check the app and see that the plate number matches with the car outside. Actually, no, it doesn’t. It almost does, with only one letter difference. I look up and there’s another car parked further away. I move and check the plate number. It matches completely so I open the front door and enter.
The man in front is what you’ll call an elderly man. If he attended a Baptist church, like Oregun Baptist Church or First Baptist Church, Oregun; he would be an elder in the church. Or a deacon. Or a minister - not the type that preaches the gospel of Jesus Christ and asks people to repent of their transgressions. But the type that chips in one or two about the church doctrine, ancient landmarks, men missionary unions, royal ambassadors, etc. He would be the man you are afraid will be there when you and your wife-to-be are going to present your wedding dress before the church council. You are afraid because if he is on seat during the council meeting, he will tell your wife-to-be to wear the gown and he will ask rhetorical questions like, Aso to wo yii, shey aso omoluabi ni? Ehn, Rebecca? This your gown, is it giving glory to God? He will ask these rhetorical questions but when you’re about to answer, he will interrupt you and say, Will you keep quiet?! Then he will turn to the other members of the council, including the pastor and say, Ewo, pastor, me, I don’t think this kind of gown should be accepted in the house of the Lord. Are these the kinds of children we are raising now? Awon omo tan wo wokuwo yii? Ehn? This wedding cannot happen tomorrow sir unless they fix that dress. And then he would go quiet. And the pastor would look at you with a you heard what he said eye because even though the elderly man is not the pastor, he runs the church. He was there before the pastor came and he gave the pastor the ropes on how to run the church. If the church is Lagos state, the elderly man is Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, the one they call Jagaban, the Lion of the Bourdillon.
I thought the other car was your car. The plate numbers are similar, I tell him as we turn into Billings Way. Oh…do you know I don’t know my plate numbers?
I look at him and he laughs.
I know for my first car but this one and the third, I don’t know their numbers. I just hope they won’t carry me one day and think I stole the car.
I bring out my phone. He continues talking.
You know when I was young, my mother used to complain that my dad would use the convenience and not flush. And I used to be angry at my father like, why will you use the convenience and not flush.
It takes me a moment to understand he is referring to the restroom because who says convenience? An elderly man.
Anyway, do you know what happened last week? I shook my head. I do not know what happened last week, sir. Last week, I forgot to flush after using the convenience. I want to tell him that his using the word convenience is super inconvenient but instead I say, Oh
Yes o, he continued. I forgot to flush the convenience and when my wife told me, I remember my dad used to forget too. This old age thing ehn, you will just be forgetting. I now forget the things I did not need to remember before. Because why would I need to remember to flush? It is like reflex, right? I nodded and he continued. So now, I don’t even know my own plate number. See how bad it has gotten now? Anyway, that is why I am doing Uber. Because with this old age, you have to keep your mind sharp. You have to do things that will keep you active, talking to people and moving up and down. That is why I am doing Uber now oh.
Adeniyi Jones is close by so we get there in no time and I thank him for the ride. He thanks me too and I step out.
When people ask, what’s your greatest fear? I never know what to say. Death doesn’t frighten me. I would welcome death anytime, any day, happily actually. Being irrelevant frightens me: being irrelevant to myself and to those around me. Being unable to read, write and think; the combination of those three scare me. I think those three would be my greatest fears. Growing old. Weary and frail. Unable to read because my eyes are now gone. So I just wake up and sit in the front yard and look at the city breathing. Unable to write because laptops are now extinct and I don’t know how to use these new things these folks are using and even if I did, my hands wouldn’t let me. Unable to think because I am now an elderly man and even though I do not go about telling people what to wear to their weddings, I now forget to flush the convenience. Oh yes, I now use words like convenience. It would be sad I know, to not be able to read even my own books. That would be the end of it all. I pray I never have to experience that. I hope I never have to.
Today’s essay is a personal essay about death. The first time I read this was in 2015 when it was first published. Then, I had just finished secondary school. I was reading anything I could find. I discovered Magunga Williams through Meshack Yobby whom I discovered from Facebook. I read almost everything on his blog. It’s hard to read everything because he has so so many posts up there. But then I read the essay, Today, I Say Goodbye Properly and I wept.
In the past few days, I’ve been reflecting on old age and the eventuality of death. I’ve been thinking about the time when we all won’t remember to flush the convenience and what comes after that: death. In the essay I will share, Magunga takes a deep dive down memory lane to talk about his father and the memories they shared. Then in that post which he wrote ten years after his father died, he will say goodbye properly to the old man. He will talk about how difficult things became after his father died, how his uncle beat his mother up for the father’s inheritance, and how the landlord sent them packing. It’s a heavy one. I hope you read it and it makes you reflect. I hope you enjoy the depth of this piece and the emotions surging through it. If you’ve lost someone close, I hope it gives you some comfort.
To read, Today, I Say Goodbye Properly, click here. I do hope you enjoy reading it, in your own way.
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Also, I’m trying to have more conversations here. I’ve been called out on my rather unroyal bullshit so I'm trying to reply to comments more and don’t just disappear after every issue. Please share your thoughts in the comments below. Let me know what you think about growing old. Does it scare you that you’ll forget things and start using words like convenience? If you have a similar story and would want to talk to someone, you can send me a DM on Twitter here. That’s where I reply the fastest.
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My greatest fear has to be being at the Mercy of people especially unkind people for any reason at all be it financial or because my health is deteriorating and I can’t do the simplest things by myself anymore or just needing great help from others in order to accomplish something & without that help, I just can’t achieve what I need to.
It’s very scary especially because I like to do things on my own & hate to have to ask for help especially when I know it’s most probably going to be inconvenient for the other person but I need to in order to live anyways.
I enjoyed reading this, a nice piece. I'm not scared of growing old, I think I'm more scared of ill health at old age. Hopefully God grants the grace to be hale and hearty.