Issue #2: The Objectivity to See Monoculture.

Do the things you want to do, not what culture demands.

I should confess that this isn’t the essay I planned to share this week. I read a super long essay last week about Jill Scott’s retirement and the moment I finished reading, I knew I needed to share the essay. I bookmarked it and throughout the week, I thought about how I would present it to you. I planned to share it from the perspective of Hope: knowing that good things can still happen and there is still time. I had it figured out already but I never wrote anything down. Perhaps it’s a good thing that I did not write anything because earlier today, I was reading an essay by Brianna West and I was struck by the amount of revelation the essay exposed me to. I took screenshots of some portions of the essay and shared them with some of my friends. Then one of them said, ‘Please tell me this is what you’re sending to us this week.’ Then I thought, you know what, maybe  Jill Scott’s can wait one more week. Let me share this essay I just read hours ago. 

The title of this week’s essay is 8 Subconscious Behaviors That Are Keeping You From Having The Life You Want.

In the essay, Brianna explains that our definition of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ is mostly determined by culture, where we are from, and where we live.

The sad thing is this: it is hard to actually see these things just as culture. A good example is something I am learning from reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. Malcolm explains how kids who are raised to question things and stand up to authorities are more likely to grow up to become bolder and more confident when compared to kids who were groomed to keep quiet or not question adults or authorities. If only Malcolm knew how relatable his idea is to an average African [or a Yoruba person, to be more specific and accurate].

While growing up, speaking up to elders was considered ‘rude’. It was not considered a cultural aberration.  It was considered rude/bad. If it was considered simply foreign, perhaps it would have been better. We would have been able to address it by quoting Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and saying, ‘People make culture, culture does not make people.’ But to call something bad or rude outrightly means it is just innately bad/rude. But then, what is innately bad in speaking up? In questioning elders? In challenging authorities? What?

Brianna West wrote: The objectivity required to see the effects of present monoculture is very difficult to maintain (once you have so deeply accepted an idea as ‘truth’ it doesn’t register as ‘cultural’ or ‘subjective’ anymore).

She’s right: it is really hard to see something as just culture. Kneeling to greet an elder as opposed to extending a hand is not ‘good’. It is just culture. But then, this is me just breaking down Brianna’s essay into tiny bits. There is more in there. 

She writes:

For example, some religious people speak against trousers, make-up, elaborate hairstyles, etc while they also desire the same things they speak against but don’t have the resources to explore them or can't do so because they’ve spent all their life speaking against it.

So when you see somebody else displaying one of these traits, it absolutely infuriates you, not because you inherently dislike it, but because you have to fight your desire to fully integrate it into your whole consciousness.

While reading this, I remembered back while I was in the university, how ladies who wore trousers, skin-tight dresses, and short gowns were considered sinners; same with ladies who used make-up and boys who had ‘elaborate’ hairstyles. Student pastors spoke against them and some church brothers and sisters made it clear that this was a ‘bad’ thing to do. There was no acknowledgment of what role monoculture might be playing here. It was just tagged ‘bad’, ‘sinful’, etc. The sad part is, they wanted these things too. They wanted the eyelashes, the lovely hairstyle but they can’t because they’ve accepted it as ‘bad’ so they are pained when they see others doing these same things so boldly and confidently.

Lastly, I will end with this:

Brianna writes: When it comes to making decisions, you have to know that bad feelings are not deterrents. They are indicators that you want to do something, but it scares you (which are the things most worth doing, if you ask me). Not wanting to do something would make you feel indifferent about it. Fear = interest.

[ Nonchalance = disinterest]

I really hope you enjoy this essay. Please read the entire piece and interpret it in your own way with your own examples. Don’t be boxed into the examples I have used. These are simply what came to me when I was reading.

Before you go, here is some advice: figure out the things you want to do, the things that excite you but you are afraid of doing because they are tagged ‘bad’ or because you’ve preached against them all your life. Interrogate your thoughts and belief systems. If you realize they don’t hold water, I suggest you do what you want to do. Live life to the fullest. Don’t live in resentment for people doing the things you want to do just because you don’t want to acknowledge that you were wrong or that some things are just culture, not inherently good or bad. 

To read the complete essay by Briana West, press here. If you have some thoughts to share or an essay you think we should read, you can write back to me by replying to this email or tweet about it using the hashtag #TheERClub so we can find it. 

Have a lovely week, dear friend. 🤗