Issue 27: It's time to quit

How to know when to quit

In primary four, I was not supposed to play football. It was the harmattan season, and my parents had warned me not to run or play football. They did not say why, but I doubt that would have made any difference. In primary four, I played football because my friend Israel was playing, and I lost my sandals. My parents would soon come looking for me, and I could not tell them I lost my sandals because I removed them to play football with my bare feet, so I lied that while I was sleeping in class, someone stole my sandals. My parents told me sorry and comforted me with the idea of a new pair of sandals. Then to cheer me up, they asked me how my day went. I told them my day went well and that I scored a goal. A goal?! Don’t you know you’re not supposed to play football? I was a fool. I just exposed myself as a liar - and a big fool.

The story above is not related to anything I’m about to share today, but the stories that follow are important, so pay attention.

In 2020, I started an NGO to educate people about sustainable development goals. This was during the lockdown, and I was in my full-blown do-good-SDG era. My organisation had a logo, a brand, a board of advisers, two of whom lived in the United States. It was a big deal - to me. The members of the NGO were people who were super passionate about sustainable development. What did we not do, guys? We learned together, organised webinars for folks, carried out projects, everything. In 2021, I sent an open letter to everyone about how the NGO could not continue, and I closed the book on The 2030 Club. There are many reasons for this, most of them beyond my control, but we won’t get into that today.

Just a year after the NGO, I said goodbye to a relationship that was no longer serving me. It was a difficult decision, but a necessary one. A year later, I parted ways with a woman I loved because, according to her, God said I was not her husband. Another year passed, and I resigned from my first job in tech. It was a tough move, but it needed to be done.

So here's the big question: when do you know when something is no longer serving you? How do you know when to quit and let go? How do you know it's time to let go of that job or that marriage? When is it right to end that talking stage? When is it okay to stop fighting for that friendship? When should you leave your job and consider a new career path? When is it okay to quit?

During the week, I listened to Steven Bartlett talk about Quitting on the Deep Dive podcast, and he shared a few points that mirror how I view quitting and why I don't think quitting is always a bad thing. I'll share some of them today and then leave a link for you to listen to a snippet of the episode.

Steven talked about the Quitting framework, and started with something simple like this:

Are you thinking of quitting? Yes.

Why are you thinking of quitting? Because it's hard.

Is the hardship worth the rewards on offer? If yes, don't quit. If no, quit.

But, this only works if the reason you’re quitting is simply because it’s hard. What if there are other factors in mind? What if you’re just tired or worn out? Or you’re just bored of your job or your partner? Here’s something from Steven:

“So, you're thinking about quitting something because it sucks. You're in a relationship; your husband, you know, the magic has just left the relationship. You're in a company, and there are problems at work, but you haven't yet had the conversation with your boss. The next question becomes, do you believe you could make it not suck?

So, in the context of a marriage [or a relationship], that might mean going to marriage counselling and having a difficult conversation, thrashing it out with your partner and going through those issues. If the answer is no, it sucks, you think you can't change that, quit.

If you believe you could make it not suck, the next question to ask yourself is this: Is the effort that it would take to make it not suck worth the rewards on offer? So, look at how that marriage might look if you were to resolve it, you believe you can. Is it worth it? Is [that guy or girl] really worth it? Is the reward on the other end of that process to fix it sucking worth it? If the answer is no, quit. If you believe you could make it not suck, and the effort it would take is not worth the reward on offer, quit. If you believe you could make it not suck, and the effort it would take is worth the rewards on offer, stay and fight for it.”

This simple yet detailed framework can help you decide when it’s time to quit. One of my biggest lessons in 2023 is to know when it’s time to quit and also when to leave a room where you’re no longer welcome. One of my most significant lessons of 2021 is to know when to quit early.

Quitting is not always bad. There are many reasons people find it difficult to quit — the shame, the stigma, the reproach; all of it. But if you go through the framework and you know you need to quit, then quit. With quitting, the earlier, the better.

Happy quitting, guys! If you have any quitting or about-to-quit stories or experiences, share with me!

Have a good week and share this to a friend and ask them to subscribe. 🎉

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To listen to the full podcast, click here. 

Special thanks to Felix Akinnibi and Mmesomachukwu Anaka for reading drafts of this.