Issue 30: Nursing myself back to life.
I was sick throughout this week; that didn't go so well
1. I was sick throughout this week. Can you imagine that? Being sick every single day of the week. It was a crazy experience. I’ll explain what I mean.
2. I experience tiredness often, but it’s not always serious. However, when it gets serious, when it gets to the point where I call it fatigue, it’s unbearable. The first time I experienced this was in 2022. I was walking on Joel Ogunnaike and just could not continue. I was so tired I knew I could not move my feet any further. I had to stop and sit by the roadside that evening. I watched as cars passed by, turning into Marriott and the many other hotels that line up that street. Before then, I had never experienced such intense tiredness. Like, so tired that I couldn’t even move? How’s that even a thing?
3. I experienced the same thing this week. I had an intense headache throughout the week. I could barely eat, could barely talk. I spent my time on Google Meet sending texts and reactions. I would be talking and suddenly forget what I was saying or I would just stop because I could no longer continue. My mouth was too tired. Multiple times I lost my line of thought and had to start again.
4. I remember sending voice notes on Thursday and I sounded like I was devoid of life. I could barely do anything.
5. In all of these, I realised that I did not eat up to seven times in the past seven days. I kid you not when I say I do not know how this happened. I would wake up, get on my laptop and then realise it’s dark. I would take something from the fridge, munch until I slept off. I was breaking apart and I didn’t even know it. I longed for Friday so badly.
6. You know what’s crazy in all of these? I slept more than eight hours on most nights. So I was never sleep deprived but I also never had quality sleep. I slept tired and woke up even more tired. Sleep had no value.
7. On Friday, I started doing better. I ordered breakfast which I only ate around 6pm. Then on Saturday, I mustered all the strength left in me to attend an important birthday party. I saw friends, felt energised and had to leave before the party ended. When I got home, I slept again. Ate dinner. Went to the mall to stock up on munchables. Slept again.
8. I woke up this morning feeling amazing. I had breakfast, cleaned my house, did some arranging, listened to an eye-opening podcast that made me reassess some important things in my life and then discovered a new YouTuber. There’s nothing more amazing than discovering a new YouTuber.
9. If anyone asks me why I felt sick, I would be honest and say: I broke down because I stopped eating. It’s so amazing how important food is to the human body and how potent it can be. And I say this as a good thing and a bad thing all at the same time. Food is so important that a whole day without food can make you go sick. Sometimes during the week, I experienced crazy headaches and then I had to remind myself that maybe I am experiencing this because I had not eaten.
10. I asked my friend Faith why the body needs so much food even when all I do is brain tasking work. It’s not like I’m lifting bricks or handling an axe. All I do is sit at my desk all day and think. And then he says something about how even that burns more calories than lifting bricks. I don’t know how accurate that is but it’s amazing how tasking brain-work can be. Food is so important without it, I found myself breaking apart.
11. The flipside of this is that food can be so potent that only a little can seem “enough.” This is what I experienced throughout the week. I was constantly tired and then I would reach for food. After five spoons, I would feel okay so I’d put the food aside until I felt hungry or tired again. It’s funny how little food could push me through hours of work such that I’m deceived into thinking that’s all I needed.
12. As someone who used to be a foodie, this transition to someone who forgets to eat or someone who eats less than seven times in a week is disturbing. I don’t recognise who this person is and I have seen firsthand [thanks to how this past week went], how bad things can get if I don’t eat.
13. I am determined to do better this week. In fact, I’m determined to eat three times a day throughout the week. I don’t know how possible that is. I don’t even know if people do that anymore. But it’s clear to me now that it’s either that or I find myself in the hospital. So eating three times a day it is.
14. My experience in the past week has led me to a question: Why have I not been eating? I don’t really know. I suppose that’s a question I’ll have to find the answer to.
15. Last note: this experience reminds me of the last time I fell terribly sick and was struggling between life and death. That was in June 2022 and surprisingly, I wrote about it on Medium back then when it happened. That’s the essay I’ll be sharing today.
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To read today’s essay, check here
Thanks to Mmesoma Anaka and Daniel Odetoki for reading drafts of this.
Get well soon man
Always been happy to read your essays since I found it.