My lover and I have moved in together, into a house just three minutes from the High Street. It’s a beautiful house, I must mention. The doors are Victorian, part-glazed, and shining white.
I think the degree of melting is determined by the melter's knowledge of themselves. Some people mirror others extensively, therefore loosing themselves completely. Maybe that's what we should be scared of. Yet, others mirror in that they create a shared way of doing things. I think the latter is a beautiful vision of melting because you build a middle ground of being, something that is you informed by them—"our way". And "our way" of doing things is a keepsake of sorts. If the relationship ends, "our way" becomes your intangible memento.
If the relationship ends is even a more scarier reality, which is many people fear melting. But love shouldn't even be approached from a place of fearful prospects so I would leave that and focus on your main point which I subscribe to: mutual melting into one form mutual identity without the loss of personalness.
I like to see it as evolution rather than a loss of individuality—maybe even a hybrid. We don’t stop being ourselves; we become more than ourselves. There’s a saying that we are everyone we’ve met, every experience we’ve had, every book, movie, and conversation that’s shaped us. So, just one person, the right person—won’t erase us. Instead, love expands us, especially when it’s mutual, when both people are evolving and becoming together rather than one being consumed by the other.
As for limits? Maybe they don’t exist here. Maybe they just stretch
Totally subscribe to the concept of being a mosaic of everyone we've ever met. I wonder if it's the same for romance between just two people though. It's hard to believe it is. Because parts of what makes us attracted to someone is their person which is dissolved into nothingness may be unappealing.
Ohh, I think I get you now. But even while melting and becoming a hybrid, I believe there are still core building blocks that make us who we are—like a constant k. Even someone who feels like they lack a strong sense of identity still has something foundational they hold onto, whether consciously or not. There are principles, values, or instincts we don’t compromise on—maybe not even by choice, but because the self just holds on to them. If we think of it like a Venn diagram, the melting is the intersection, but individuality is the foundation that remains intact. I don’t think anyone can influence us 100%
So even in romance, I don’t think individuality dissolves completely. Instead, it merges while still retaining a foundational self.
The first is that melting is a two way street and I’m reading about one person melting but never about how the other will melt into our lives. Love is when two hearts collide. It is two becoming one. You might make tea how your boyfriend makes it and your BF lays the bed how you lay it.
Melting is also to the degree that you both become one. That is the goal after all, when you can say, “my woman said.” “My man would like.” If that take 100percent from you both, then it takes.
Ensure that your partner is melting as you are melting. Watch for it. Talk about it until you reach a melting point that is both you and him all at the same time.
Again, there should be no fear in love, because love doesn’t take away your individuality, love should make you feel seen, that you are both seen, both heard, both melted.
I think that’s it for now. I will return to expand on this if I think about anything
there’s definitely a lot to think about and to figure out. i see the beauty in melting and like we said, to love is to know and be known and in knowing we become. the fear is how much of becoming is too much especially when your person is disappearing. or perhaps that’s the idea of love, the disappearance of individuality and submission to togetherness in every way.
I find a need to read this over and over again. Your writing consumes me, in a very good way. It makes me stop and ponder.
I am a mosaic of everyone I’ve ever loved. I find myself picking up styles, traits and seemingly little details from them. This is what happens when you are completely immersed in the love you feel for the person; when you are in awe of their existence. Now i’m thinking, would you be proud of the person you become when you melt into your lover?
My thoughts are still scattered but i’ll be back to read this again and again and again until i melt into this essay 🥹
haha not you melting into the essay. i do agree that we are a mosaic of everyone we’ve ever loved or maybe even met. i think it’s beautiful to have that. i think what bugs me is how much of that is acceptable when it’s just melting into one person. just one person.
this is so beautifully written, and it captures something i’ve been thinking about but never found the right words for. love is beautiful, but where’s the line between growing with someone and losing yourself in them? is it even a bad thing to melt into someone, or is that just part of what love does? i don’t know the answers, but this piece makes me want to figure them out.
we all seek answers. i don’t think melting is bad. i mean i’d love to melt. i think there’s just an uncertainty about how much is too much or not enough
It’s a real concern in romantic relationships but also generally since we’re in a world where we are more likely to be influenced now than ever before.
I read this earlier in the week but waited till I was more settled to drop this comment because this is a long one.
"To be loved is to be known and to be known is to be loved" and in knowing someone, we pick up some of their habits unknowingly, but I don't think it is possible to totally melt and become their replica. I think there are parts of us that will remain unchangeable no matter what. Or at least ideally there are parts of us that 'should' remain unchangeable. Here is a short piece from my book "Conversations from last night":
"I have made several attempts
at capturing the line where the sky kisses the sea
where the two blues merge beautifully,
yet distinct.
As though each made a decision the night before
to not lose their identity in the embrace of the other."
This piece examines the relationship between the sky and the sea. The writer watches from a distance how they kiss and touch but yet maintain two different shades of blue, very close but still distinguishable. This is how I think love should be with two whole entities merging without melting away. However, I don't know what it is like in reality and have another piece below from a year after questioning the above:
"The two leaned forward
& became one in an embrace of destiny.
"Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you", the Priest repeated.
Her thoughts drifted briefly
Whose life would we live?
Yours?
Mine?"
I guess we will find out. Beautiful essay yet again.
I used to have this fear of melting, of losing myself to love and forgetting what I was before I encountered love. I’ve not overcome it completely but I’ve been able to manage it by choosing lover(s) who are like me to a large extent and are comfortable with our differences. Yes, often, we tend to embrace each other’s differences and imbibe them, but when we are apart, I still remain myself.
Copper and tin make bronze. When you look at bronze, you see neither copper nor tin. But you know both of them are there, indistinguishable from one another. I think this is the perfect melt where we become something greater, together.
I think the degree of melting is determined by the melter's knowledge of themselves. Some people mirror others extensively, therefore loosing themselves completely. Maybe that's what we should be scared of. Yet, others mirror in that they create a shared way of doing things. I think the latter is a beautiful vision of melting because you build a middle ground of being, something that is you informed by them—"our way". And "our way" of doing things is a keepsake of sorts. If the relationship ends, "our way" becomes your intangible memento.
If the relationship ends is even a more scarier reality, which is many people fear melting. But love shouldn't even be approached from a place of fearful prospects so I would leave that and focus on your main point which I subscribe to: mutual melting into one form mutual identity without the loss of personalness.
I was coming here to say exactly this!
I like to see it as evolution rather than a loss of individuality—maybe even a hybrid. We don’t stop being ourselves; we become more than ourselves. There’s a saying that we are everyone we’ve met, every experience we’ve had, every book, movie, and conversation that’s shaped us. So, just one person, the right person—won’t erase us. Instead, love expands us, especially when it’s mutual, when both people are evolving and becoming together rather than one being consumed by the other.
As for limits? Maybe they don’t exist here. Maybe they just stretch
Totally subscribe to the concept of being a mosaic of everyone we've ever met. I wonder if it's the same for romance between just two people though. It's hard to believe it is. Because parts of what makes us attracted to someone is their person which is dissolved into nothingness may be unappealing.
Ohh, I think I get you now. But even while melting and becoming a hybrid, I believe there are still core building blocks that make us who we are—like a constant k. Even someone who feels like they lack a strong sense of identity still has something foundational they hold onto, whether consciously or not. There are principles, values, or instincts we don’t compromise on—maybe not even by choice, but because the self just holds on to them. If we think of it like a Venn diagram, the melting is the intersection, but individuality is the foundation that remains intact. I don’t think anyone can influence us 100%
So even in romance, I don’t think individuality dissolves completely. Instead, it merges while still retaining a foundational self.
I have so much to say.
The first is that melting is a two way street and I’m reading about one person melting but never about how the other will melt into our lives. Love is when two hearts collide. It is two becoming one. You might make tea how your boyfriend makes it and your BF lays the bed how you lay it.
Melting is also to the degree that you both become one. That is the goal after all, when you can say, “my woman said.” “My man would like.” If that take 100percent from you both, then it takes.
Ensure that your partner is melting as you are melting. Watch for it. Talk about it until you reach a melting point that is both you and him all at the same time.
Again, there should be no fear in love, because love doesn’t take away your individuality, love should make you feel seen, that you are both seen, both heard, both melted.
I think that’s it for now. I will return to expand on this if I think about anything
there’s definitely a lot to think about and to figure out. i see the beauty in melting and like we said, to love is to know and be known and in knowing we become. the fear is how much of becoming is too much especially when your person is disappearing. or perhaps that’s the idea of love, the disappearance of individuality and submission to togetherness in every way.
I find a need to read this over and over again. Your writing consumes me, in a very good way. It makes me stop and ponder.
I am a mosaic of everyone I’ve ever loved. I find myself picking up styles, traits and seemingly little details from them. This is what happens when you are completely immersed in the love you feel for the person; when you are in awe of their existence. Now i’m thinking, would you be proud of the person you become when you melt into your lover?
My thoughts are still scattered but i’ll be back to read this again and again and again until i melt into this essay 🥹
haha not you melting into the essay. i do agree that we are a mosaic of everyone we’ve ever loved or maybe even met. i think it’s beautiful to have that. i think what bugs me is how much of that is acceptable when it’s just melting into one person. just one person.
this is so beautifully written, and it captures something i’ve been thinking about but never found the right words for. love is beautiful, but where’s the line between growing with someone and losing yourself in them? is it even a bad thing to melt into someone, or is that just part of what love does? i don’t know the answers, but this piece makes me want to figure them out.
we all seek answers. i don’t think melting is bad. i mean i’d love to melt. i think there’s just an uncertainty about how much is too much or not enough
Beautiful! ❤️✨
I’ve been thinking about this. The loss of individuality
It’s a real concern in romantic relationships but also generally since we’re in a world where we are more likely to be influenced now than ever before.
I read this earlier in the week but waited till I was more settled to drop this comment because this is a long one.
"To be loved is to be known and to be known is to be loved" and in knowing someone, we pick up some of their habits unknowingly, but I don't think it is possible to totally melt and become their replica. I think there are parts of us that will remain unchangeable no matter what. Or at least ideally there are parts of us that 'should' remain unchangeable. Here is a short piece from my book "Conversations from last night":
"I have made several attempts
at capturing the line where the sky kisses the sea
where the two blues merge beautifully,
yet distinct.
As though each made a decision the night before
to not lose their identity in the embrace of the other."
This piece examines the relationship between the sky and the sea. The writer watches from a distance how they kiss and touch but yet maintain two different shades of blue, very close but still distinguishable. This is how I think love should be with two whole entities merging without melting away. However, I don't know what it is like in reality and have another piece below from a year after questioning the above:
"The two leaned forward
& became one in an embrace of destiny.
"Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you", the Priest repeated.
Her thoughts drifted briefly
Whose life would we live?
Yours?
Mine?"
I guess we will find out. Beautiful essay yet again.
I have no answers. LoL. But your writing, perfect!
I used to have this fear of melting, of losing myself to love and forgetting what I was before I encountered love. I’ve not overcome it completely but I’ve been able to manage it by choosing lover(s) who are like me to a large extent and are comfortable with our differences. Yes, often, we tend to embrace each other’s differences and imbibe them, but when we are apart, I still remain myself.
Copper and tin make bronze. When you look at bronze, you see neither copper nor tin. But you know both of them are there, indistinguishable from one another. I think this is the perfect melt where we become something greater, together.
You know, I can't really say. In as much as that is how I wish it I don't yet know how to differentiate it
This is so beautiful! How much melting is too much? I really want to know too.
This is beautiful. I also need answers, mahn. Sometimes, I think melting can be a little too much.
This is so beautiful, I think I subscribe to making sure both you and your partner are melting at an equal rate
But how do you make sure of that? Or why?