First, I am super-delighted you are back here, secondly, I am glad you wrote this.
Yesterday, after a long day of speaking engagements, sharing nudgets, giving some aspire to perspire, I wanted to pick up my phone and call someone, and speak to someone exclusively and affectionately and get the same feeling of comfort from them, but there was none.
Now, I am sorrounded by a lot of love (which answers your question about love), but I just think there is something beautiful about being with someone exclusively and vice-versa. Now, it is a lot of responsibility and a lot of work so like you, I am always thinking and asking, does the pros outweigh the cons?
Dropping off to write my own newsletter now before I turn this comment to another essay.
Yes you're right. There is having people around you, and then there is having your own person. While the former is beautiful, it can never replace the latter.
Can't wait to read your newsletter and it's always good to read your thoughts. ❤️
While I do think about the concept of marriage from time to time, I recently realized that what I may really want (right now at least) is companionship.
To come outside of your head and be with someone else with whom you can completely fall into. Yes. To fill the gaps on Friday nights.
You're right, Efe. I think at the core of it, this is probably why the institution of marriage exists, or existed in its original form. And I love how you put it...Love as a place to come outside of your head.
I never regret reading your Substack . I am now more aware of loneliness in ways I haven’t ever been so this resonates with me.
My friends are abroad , I used to take long walks when I was outside Nigeria but Lagos is not designed for leisure strolls , hate it with everything in me .
I am genuinely looking for people I can laugh and chill with , fingers crossed .
I work remotely and I've found myself struggling with loneliness recently. While I don't think I'm marrying anytime soon, I wish I had my loved ones around me
I enjoyed reading this, and I must say: having a loved one/loved ones to talk to after a long day or week is something I always looked forward to but haven’t experienced much. It can get lonely sometimes, so I take periodic walks while listening to calm music, or I watch a movie until I start to drift off to sleep.
I am so glad to be surrounded by love. It is one of the things keeping me sane, seeing the state of our country 🇳🇬 . With working onsite fulltime, I yearn for the weekends and I am grateful to be spending it around my mom and siblings. Even though I momentarily daydream about when I'm finally able to afford and move into my own space, there's that gnawing feeling at the back of my mind that lets me know I'll miss these days surrounded by my mom and brothers, days surrounded by love. And so I savour these days, and spend mindful time with my mom in the sitting room after work, even though I hate watching the news.
On some days, i feel so love-starved not because i am not love at home or something but because i live alone, i just wish there's someone i am emotionally connected to waiting for me to get back home just like my cat meow each time i return home from work.
...so yes, to well's saying our friendship/love really creates illusion for the days we're not alone.
Beautiful piece. I think what people long more, more than marriage, is just companionship. I had a conversation with a friend who is strongly anti-marriage, but somehow is a hopeless romantic, and got the understanding that a person can feel as lonely as ever, perhaps even more lonely, in a marriage.
First, I am super-delighted you are back here, secondly, I am glad you wrote this.
Yesterday, after a long day of speaking engagements, sharing nudgets, giving some aspire to perspire, I wanted to pick up my phone and call someone, and speak to someone exclusively and affectionately and get the same feeling of comfort from them, but there was none.
Now, I am sorrounded by a lot of love (which answers your question about love), but I just think there is something beautiful about being with someone exclusively and vice-versa. Now, it is a lot of responsibility and a lot of work so like you, I am always thinking and asking, does the pros outweigh the cons?
Dropping off to write my own newsletter now before I turn this comment to another essay.
Merci tres beaucoup d'avoit ecrit ceci.
Yes you're right. There is having people around you, and then there is having your own person. While the former is beautiful, it can never replace the latter.
Can't wait to read your newsletter and it's always good to read your thoughts. ❤️
The subject of this piece drew me in.
While I do think about the concept of marriage from time to time, I recently realized that what I may really want (right now at least) is companionship.
To come outside of your head and be with someone else with whom you can completely fall into. Yes. To fill the gaps on Friday nights.
You're right, Efe. I think at the core of it, this is probably why the institution of marriage exists, or existed in its original form. And I love how you put it...Love as a place to come outside of your head.
Thank you for this. Indeed, love has a way of making us feel less alone. Life is totally bland without love.
Life bland without love. ❤️
I never regret reading your Substack . I am now more aware of loneliness in ways I haven’t ever been so this resonates with me.
My friends are abroad , I used to take long walks when I was outside Nigeria but Lagos is not designed for leisure strolls , hate it with everything in me .
I am genuinely looking for people I can laugh and chill with , fingers crossed .
You're right, Lagos is not designed for leisure strolls. I hope you find what you're seeking soon. ❤️
I work remotely and I've found myself struggling with loneliness recently. While I don't think I'm marrying anytime soon, I wish I had my loved ones around me
Remote worker twin hi!
I enjoyed reading this, and I must say: having a loved one/loved ones to talk to after a long day or week is something I always looked forward to but haven’t experienced much. It can get lonely sometimes, so I take periodic walks while listening to calm music, or I watch a movie until I start to drift off to sleep.
That's what I'm about to do now...watch a movie till I sleep off.
I am so glad to be surrounded by love. It is one of the things keeping me sane, seeing the state of our country 🇳🇬 . With working onsite fulltime, I yearn for the weekends and I am grateful to be spending it around my mom and siblings. Even though I momentarily daydream about when I'm finally able to afford and move into my own space, there's that gnawing feeling at the back of my mind that lets me know I'll miss these days surrounded by my mom and brothers, days surrounded by love. And so I savour these days, and spend mindful time with my mom in the sitting room after work, even though I hate watching the news.
On some days, i feel so love-starved not because i am not love at home or something but because i live alone, i just wish there's someone i am emotionally connected to waiting for me to get back home just like my cat meow each time i return home from work.
...so yes, to well's saying our friendship/love really creates illusion for the days we're not alone.
Beautiful piece. I think what people long more, more than marriage, is just companionship. I had a conversation with a friend who is strongly anti-marriage, but somehow is a hopeless romantic, and got the understanding that a person can feel as lonely as ever, perhaps even more lonely, in a marriage.
So yeah, companionship and love>marriage.